1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
正常版：在這個世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是傷害你，但是這件事仍在我的考慮之列。
2. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和紙尿布有一個共同點就是：他們都很有規律地被替換，而且因為同一個理由——臟了!!3. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直譯版：知識就是說你知道西紅柿是一種水果；智慧就好似不要把它放進水果沙拉里。
意譯版：知識就是告訴你說應該把雞蛋放進籃子，智慧則是叫你不要把所有雞蛋都放進一個籃子。
5. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
6. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
老子拼死拼活奮斗到食物鏈頂端，不是為了成為一個素食者。
7. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
直譯版：寧可保持沉默，即使這樣會讓人覺得自己是個傻瓜，也不要出聲說話，讓別人因此對你傻不再有疑慮。
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以禿頂和啤酒肚在大街上晃還覺得自己倍兒性感——此時估計男女能平等。
